Understanding how coercive control can affect older people

These factsheets provide further information about coercive control and its impacts.

What is coercive control

Coercive control is when someone uses patterns of abusive behaviour against another person. Over time this creates fear and takes away the person’s freedom and independence. This dynamic almost always underpins family and domestic violence, which can include the abuse of older people (known as elder abuse).

Coercive control can happen in intimate partner relationships, even after they’ve ended. It can also happen in family relationships.

For example, an adult child can use coercive control against a parent, or a person can use coercive control against an older family member they are caring for.

Nobody has the right to control you, hurt you or make you live in fear.

Recognising the signs

Coercive control can be hard to spot because the abuse can be subtle and targeted. People experiencing coercive control may not realise they are being abused.

People who use coercive control might convince others that what they are doing is a normal part of family relationships or caregiving.

Coercive control can involve a range of different behaviours, including physical and non-physical abuse.

Some of the signs of coercive control against older people include someone:

• Pressuring you into giving money or property to someone, or to change your will or power of attorney
• Controlling who you talk to or spend time with, including stopping or threatening to stop you from seeing your family and friends
• Not giving you the support and care you need, for example your medication, mobility equipment, food or drink
• Not letting you make decisions, or not including you in decision making, for example about your care or finances
• Making you doubt yourself, your memory, or your experiences
• Limiting, or threatening to limit, your access to medical and other services
• Forcing you to take on roles and responsibilities you don’t want, like regular free child minding or domestic duties.

You might feel:

• Scared to ask for what you need
• Isolated and alone, or ashamed or confused about your relationships with family members
• Not in control of your life

Case study

Jill, 85, lives in her own home in a regional town. Jill had a home care arrangement until her son, Ben, recently cancelled it and said he would take care of her instead.

Ben has been opening Jill’s mail and answering her phone calls. He also took Jill’s bank cards, saying he would use them for the household shopping, but she doesn’t know how her money is being spent. She feels scared to complain, because Ben often threatens to put her in a nursing home. If Jill doesn’t do what Ben wants, he gets angry and doesn’t let Jill see his children, whom she adores.

Recently, Ben booked an appointment with a lawyer and suggested Jill appoint him as her Enduring Power of Attorney. Ben said it was important because of all the money Jill had saved up. When Jill asked how Ben knew about her savings, Ben told her that she ‘must be losing it’ and that she had told him this information herself. This made Jill feel confused, upset, and worried that she cannot trust her own memory.

Ben told Jill that she was too old to be driving and took her car keys away, even though Jill’s doctor had said it was safe for her to keep her licence. Without her car, Jill can’t visit friends or family or go anywhere by herself.

What can I do?

Everyone deserves to live free from family and domestic violence and elder abuse. If you think you or someone you know might be experiencing coercive control, contacting a confidential support service for advice is a good first step.

In an emergency, call 000.

For support contact:

1800RESPECT
1800 737 732 (available 24/7)
1800respect.org.au

1800 ELDERHelp 
1800 353 374 
National Elder Abuse Knowledge Hub Compass.info

Men’s Referral Service
1800 943 539
mrs.org.au

For more information about coercive control and the National Principles to Address Coercive Control in Family and Domestic Violence on the Attorney-General's Department website.